For some people relationships are a real source of confusion (or otherwise oddly hard work), for other’s they seem to come naturally. Is it just fate, or a skill you’re born with? Actually no, there are some understandings and habits that anyone can use to have more fulfilling, healthy and loving intimate relationships. However tough it may seem, you really can create better luck for yourself. Hopefully the ideas and advice that follow will be of some assistance to you in your relationship(s). Some issues that can hold you back There are numerous issues that can obstruct our path to having the healthy, loving, intimate relationships we’d love to have. A lot of those obstacles lie in our way of thinking. For instance: fears to do with being judged, fears of intimacy or rejection, negative beliefs about yourself, un-constructive inner dialogues, overly rigid expectations, or having no expectations at all. But none of these obstacles are insurmountable. Communication is the key The way you communicate and relate to other people is equally as significant as the the way you communicate and relate to yourself, and of course you may also find obstacles there. It might be that the way you cope with conflict, or greet someone, or listen to someone when they’re telling you something important to them, for instance, is making a huge difference to how your relationships are working out. What might seem like just a ‘rough edge’ to your character or ‘part of what makes you, you’, might be causing you major issues and stopping you having the close, healthy, loving relationship you want. If you take one bit of advice away from reading this article then try to see that change is possible – because it is. What personal growth means Change is all around you, but it’s also inside you. And although the fear of the unknown (or of certain risks) can keep you pinned for many years, changes are still happening. It might be the accumulation of pressure, to finally take that first step to fixing things, or on the other hand the burying of hope. But in either case, change is happening. The choice you have to make is how to use the experiences life gives you. Do you grab the chances, or do you run from them? Do you always look for how you can grow and learn from a difficult time, or do you tend to become colder and duller from it? The more acceptance and openness you develop in the face of change, the more light there will be in your intimate relationships. Also you’re more likely to have a strong and long-lasting relationship – if that’s what you want. When it comes down to change, one particular obstacle is the idea that “If I accept the thought of changing, that must mean there has to be something ‘wrong’ with who I am”. But that’s just not the case. Inner change is the most natural process in the world – and such self-judgement is entirely optional (and not recommended)! The world of needs There is one realization that tends to help in all areas of a relationship: whatever anyone does, they do it to meet a natural need. Underneath any approach or strategy is a need/drive that everyone shares (at different times). E.g. Companionship, freedom, understanding, support, safety, purpose, identity, humour, affection – and many more. The knack is to celebrate your one-of-a-kindness while still being able to see that some strategies for satisfying your needs might be quite ineffective and in want of change. Boiling it down Taking into account individuality together with change, it’s when we’re able and willing to truly value a person’s uniqueness while encouraging self-expression, and at the same time be willing to give support and honesty to help someone make changes, that our healthy, loving relationships take root and fill with light. Effective approaches for ‘unsticking’ ourselves from unhelpful conditioning are invaluable, but those are the core ingredients for success. A quick tip on affection Relationship advice is not hard to find (although the good advice is a little rarer), and there are so many specific relationship obstacles and situations with accordingly specific advice. But here is one straightforward bit of advice on affection that applies to a lot of cases: Offer more of it. That’s it, just try to give more of it. Hard sometimes, especially if you’re out of practise, but if you find you’re feeling a shortage of affection (a bedrock of most close relationships) in your life, the most certain way to get more is to give more of it. That is because the overwhelming majority of people simply love to receive affection, so much so that they’ll feel a spontaneous urge to reciprocate. If you’re hankering for a more sexual affection, then again it chiefly comes down to projecting a positive intent and openness to it. A willingness to test potential boundaries (confidently, but respectfully) is also extremely helpful. In any case, the way in which you offer affection is important. Some people could be surprised, not be in the mood, shy, or have issues around intimacy, etc.; that’s something for you to make allowances for (but not judge yourself as a result). But still the general rule applies: give more to get more. Of course, sometimes the challenge is recalling that timeless truth, when you’re feeling a little lonely yourself. Why practising empathy is important In amongst the cornerstones of any healthy, loving relationship is surely empathy. Being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand their feelings and needs is what makes deep emotional connections between people. But at times it’s quite challenging to try and be understanding. At times you just want to be understood. There’s definitely a place for that, and assertiveness is important. However, what very often helps the most is to first offer your understanding – until the other person really has a sense of being understood. Like with affection, the key idea is ‘give it and you will receive it’. Just being a good listener is a very effective way to start developing more empathy in your relationship(s). For best results, obviously, avoid all diagnosing, blame or criticism during the process of listening. Advice of very limited use Here’s a warning about relationships advice. Although there are typical traits, your relationship is unique, and so are you. This means any advice that makes judgements about what is wrong or right, or speaks in terms of society’s changing winds of desirability or acceptability, has a good chance of being a bad fit for you. Take such advice with a fistful of salt (according to how much you really want to ‘conform to the norm’). Even relationship advice which talks on the deeper plain of underlying needs will still require you to work with it according to your individual experiences and situation. Experimentation and open mindedness is the key. Taking action If there was a single thing you could do today that if you did would improve your relationship life, what would that thing be? Can you think of that one thing now? What is the very first step of it – how would it start? What stops you from taking it right now? Time never stops, your chance to help your relationship(s) blossom is now. If you’re uncertain what step to take, maybe it’s time to do a little research and read some books? “Healthy Loving Relationships” is one source in particular that contains the kind of tried and tested, practical guidance that can help turn your relationships around for the better. If you’re curious, follow the link at the end of the article. Subjects covered in detail there include: Resolving personal issues; building confidence (in a relaxed and natural way); overcoming fears of intimacy, rejection and judgement; how to really know if someone is interested in you, and ways of responding; what ‘commitment’ actually means, according to what you’re hoping to build, and how to build it in a way that feels comfortable for him and her – and makes long-lasting success more probable; how to have deeper understanding of those closest to you and be better understood by them; how to have a more passionate sex life; how to resolve conflict and any kind of argument and have real and enduring peace; how to meet new people and develop beautiful connections – the best dating advice; and plenty of other useful things! Safe travels and good luck in your relationship journey. May it give you joy and take you where you need to be. Wishing you love and good health!
Christmas is a time for sharing and being with the people whom you love. We look forward to spending time with our family and loved ones. And there is nothing better than snuggling up to your lover in the cold winter weather and sharing those special cosy times together. However, Christmas is also a time of danger for many new relationships, especially if he may not be quite ready for anything serious. So what could his problem be and how do you ensure that your relationship survives the festive period? Well, if you have read any of my previous material, you will know that I strongly advise against the dangers of expecting too much too soon early on in relationships. It is often the case that a woman decides that this is the man for her before he has even considered this matter himself. Unfortunately, Christmas is a time of higher expectations for many women and this is where it can start to go wrong. If he senses your expectations for a shared Christmas – whether they are to do with presents, meeting his family or spending quality time together – he may start to feel a sense of panic, if he’s not quite ready for this. Perhaps he has regular plans for Christmas and he’s not ready to change them for you just yet. It is often when a man feels pressured into something that he’s not ready for that he starts to look for a way out. In other words, this generally this triggers his withdrawal response. This can happen at any time of the year but is often heightened at Christmas time and around the festive period. You should not take this personally if you have only known him for a few months. It is quite normal for a man to be much slower to commit to a relationship than a woman. So, if you haven’t known him that long and you don’t want to scare him off, then you’re going to have to back off a bit over Christmas, however painful this is for you. When Christmas is over, then hopefully it will be safe to resume the relationship where it left off. Of course, there are several factors which contribute to his fear of spending Christmas in a new relationship and make him pull away. For example, when a man is faced with buying a card and a gift for a woman whom he is not 100% sure he is serious about, it can bring terror and dread. He doesn’t know how much to spend or what to buy. He’s terrified of giving out the message that this means he’s serious. It’s far easier to push all that to the back of his mind and get on with his own stuff. The problem for a woman is that she wants so much to spend that special time and connection with the man that she is crazy about. It’s incredibly disappointing to her to find out that he doesn’t feel the same way. But this doesn’t mean that he won’t feel that way in the future – if you don’t push it now and let your disappointment spill over into bad feelings and frustration. So, just for this once, let him have his Christmas. You know that if you and he make it through to the following Christmas then it’s all going to be different, as you will be so much closer by then. Resist the urge to force your presence and your presents upon him. Let him set the pace and let him see what a cool, special lady you are by showing him that you are happy whether you spend time with him or not this Christmas. Have a great time anyway and let him know it. Of course there are men for whom this doesn’t apply and they can’t wait to be with you at Christmas, but the chances are, that if you’re reading this right now, then it’s not you he’s spending his time with. Don’t spend your time moping around and waiting for him. Spend your time pampering yourself, honing your dating skills and making sure that next year, you won’t be spending Christmas alone but with the man of your dreams.
Right here are some tips on how to move forward as you help save my relationship and a achievable reconciliation. Assess yourself and the relationship. Are you capable of placing your self back into the relationship and be a optimistic force? Can you determine what went wrong before? Did you have any destructive or negative tendencies that hampered the relationship? Were there things you could have done differently? Greater? You also need to evaluate if your partner is also ready and willing to exert some effort to help save my relationship. If the feeling is mutual, you have a very good likelihood of salvaging your relationship. Immediately after identifying the difficulties that strained your relationship and possessing accomplished your finest to master and accept your component in that, you can try to speak to your partner about them. Speak calmly, openly and honestly. Express your feelings and worries but listen closely to what your partner has to say. Getting great listening expertise is important to the good results of any reconciliation. You have to be prepared to listen openly and refrain from making any emotional outbursts. If your partner tells you anything you do not want to hear, do your finest to stay calm and collected. It may possibly be hard to listen to and accept your partners views on what has happened, but if you really want to restore your relationship, the air must be cleared. Saving a relationship won’t occur overnight. Give it time. Time is one particular of the wonderful equalizers in life as you perform to help my save my relationship. Enjoy certainly functions in mysterious ways and complications are typical in the course of a relationship. We need to generally be powerful sufficient to endure the challenges with each other if you want the relationship to operate. Laughter and tears usually kind the strongest bonds in any relationship so have fun and be there for each other. You can never ever predict the long term and only time will tell if the two of you are destined to walk down the aisle with each other. Help save my relationship – that isn’t the most pleasant thing to say and I consider anybody seeking to rebuild the bond with their life and enjoy partner would agree. Assume about it – you’ve been collectively for years, spent wonderful occasions with each other by way of thick and thin, only to see everything gradually BUT steadily crumble. A single can’t rest BUT scream: “Help save my relationship!” Worry not even though. Correct on this really page, I have compiled four of the incredibly ideal practices that will help you bounce back from this serious blow against your relationship. Outcomes are virtually GUARANTEED provided that you’re willing to place these recommendations to great use. Anyway, sufficient talking – let’s bring the recommendations to the stage to get you started out in the appropriate direction.
Whether in a relationship or marriage, there are certain relationship killers that can cause divorce or break up. Being aware of these can keep a relationship or marriage from going downhill: Controlling behavior- Whether consciously or unknowingly,some partners act in such a manner that, because they have agreed to be in an exclusive relationship or have gotten married, that they OWN the other person and should have total control of the other – and monopolize their partner’s life.. A controlling behavior is a sign of insecurity and makes the other have resistance against the partner and lack of trust. Dishonesty and Trustworthiness – If you enter into a relationship or marriage, honesty and trustworthiness make a relationship or marriage strong and should be the practice. Why enter into a relationship if you cannot be honest and live a lie? Once trust is broken, it becomes a vicious cycle – the other starts to distrust and always become suspicious of the dishonest partner, and thus start to be controlling, then the partner resists the control and it makes it snowball into a more serious relationship problem. Conversely, being trustworthy will make the partner have enough peace of mind to allow the other to have some amount of freedom, keeping the relationship interesting and each one happy. Insecurity and neediness – while we are emotionally dependent on our partner to feel needed, loved and important, one should not put this responsibility on the partner for affirmation of confidence. We should always work on our own confidence and esteem by taking good care of ourselves and being independent as well. Comfort zone danger -There are basically two dangers in this comfort zone trap: taking self for granted and taking each other for granted – Some partners fall into the comfort zone trap especially in a marriage that either partner becomes lax about the relationship since you are already bound by marriage, and the partner either starts neglecting self and the partner. Addictions and vicious habits – Feelings of emptiness or inadequacy can cause people to seek gratification in other forms to fill the void, have a temporary or instant gratification and take away the pain of feeling neglected, alone and lonely. These can include substance abuse such as alcohol and drugs, overeating, gambling, relentless overspending (money issues can be a strong trigger factor), too much about career, computer addiction, and so on, are just about some of the ways a neglected partner does for instant gratification and temporary happiness, which unfortunately can shut out a partner and start to have separate lives. Seeing the partner’s fault but not one’s own – some people only see what is wrong in their partner but not conscious of their own faults. For example, the wife sees that the husband is starting to flirt, but the wife does not see that she is not taking care of herself well. Or you might be aware of your partner’s resistance or defiance, but you fail to see your controlling behavior. Communication breakdown – One of the most important keys to a happy relationship or marriage is communication. When there are things that especially makes one upset, partners should openly discuss it in a calm civil manner so that resentment does not build within a partner. Lack of communication leads to misunderstanding and misinterpretation. Being aware of these relationship killers will hopefully help partners in avoiding these mistakes. A relationship or marriage is a working progress and the important thing is acceptance of one’s shortcomings and the willingness to change
Finding good relationship problems advice can be very difficult. It is not that there isn’t enough information. Almost everyone and their mother have relationship advice. If you tell someone, even a stranger on the street, that you are having trouble with a relationship, they will probably have something to say. Nevertheless, most advice for relationship problems is based on biases alone. Anyone you ask will most likely try to apply the lessons from their own relationship problems to yours. These lessons may be appropriate, but then again they may not be. Whether you are worried about breaking up relationship ties, or dealing with relationship problems for an ongoing relationship, it is always a headache if you can’t figure out what to do. There is no point in getting relationship problem advice from a physician either. Even psychiatrists give lousy love advice most of the time. They say that they are qualified to give relationship problems advice, but in my experience they are often not good at this particular area. Don’t get me wrong – if your relationship is massively flawed and there is something psychotic about your partner, a psychiatrist will give you the right relationship problems advice – get out of it! Nevertheless, psychiatrists make terrible romantic partners. As such, how can you consider them fit to give relationship problems advice? It has always seemed to me that the only way to get dependable relationship problems advice is to find a best friend who knows all about those things. Find someone with words of wisdom for dating help, go out for a few drinks with him whenever you are having relationship troubles, and trust his word implicitly. Friends like this are hard to find, and their skills at giving relationship problems advice should be fully exploited. I get most of my relationship problem advice from my best friend. It is pretty odd because he has never been in a relationship himself. He’s actually not really been interested in dating at all, spending most of his time in more intellectual pursuits. Nevertheless, he gives the best relationship problems advice that you have ever heard. Maybe it is because he is looking at it from an outsiders perspective, but I swear that his advice is better than any advice column you could ever read! Getting romance advice from someone who has never been in, nor even desired, a romance is a little bit weird, but it has begun to feel totally natural to me.